xpw:

so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums. 

phukers:

phukers:

My ideal guy is long, tan, and handsome 

collegiate-confession:

My roommate ate ramen so frequently that our room perpetually smelled like it, to where it was almost unbearable. One time after not sleeping for a few days he blacked out eating a bowl of ramen and I thought he had legitimately overdosed on sodium. He woke up the next day and finished the bowl.

- College for Creative Studies